Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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