We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
