come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
