Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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