'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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