Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
