I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
