I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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