it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
