yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
