I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
