So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
