I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
