If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
