i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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