....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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