This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
