the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
