You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
