Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
