I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well I just put wine in my tea
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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