Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
