So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
