my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
