if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
