I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
