Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
