I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
