Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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