I met the friendliest cop last night
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
