you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
