Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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