I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
