there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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