Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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