I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So squirting runs in the family.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
