This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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