all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
