i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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