I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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