Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
