Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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