"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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