There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
