I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i out mim tonsoeep
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