a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I need water and some morals
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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