She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
