How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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