dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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