mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
