went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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