Im at strip club and am horny
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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