I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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